Love Witch Alchemy
Unleashing the Magician Mindset for self-empowerment in beyond sex and romance work
Elizabeth Cieslowska
Professional online mystic, Tarot reader & guide in leading spiritual misfits back to their power
Aquarius Sun, Aries Moon, Pisces Rising
Montreal, Canada
Web: madameliztarot.wixsite.com
YouTube: @madameliztarot
My curiosity for sex magic began a few years ago, when I`ve decided to allow Satan, my current Patron, to enter my heart and my life. At the time, I was in desperate need of a solid masculine energy that could teach me how to repair myself from the broken relationship I had with my dad.
(rolls the drum). Turns out that many witches and alternative girls have the father wound. I know it sounds cliché, but there is often truth buried in the stereotypes.
“The Love Witch”. 2016. By Anna Biller
Anyway… Delving in this very old, dusty trauma of mine, I found out that my primary connection to my dad, was actually at the root of the relationship I had with intimacy, with authority, with using my voice, with my emotional body, and even men in general. It ultimately bled in my capacity to open of myself up emotionally, mentally and physically to a man, even.
And as a result, I found myself always deceived by men that couldn’t fulfill the neglected parts of me. I found myself becoming an over-giver, distrusting of romantic love. Looking at it with a side-eye.
It`s in the thick of my healing work that I was introduced to the study of Trauma healing and the nervous system, Sex magic, tantra and BDSM. I came to learn in that research phase that most of what is stored in the subconscious affects the body and can transform later into blockages, stiffness or resistances in our natural sexual expression.
“And our sexual expression, if it is stifled, wounded or repressed, it can lead to a profound dissatisfaction… Where we wait for the world, or seek people and experiences that we think can give and fulfill in us the empty hole of what is vacant and deeply missing…”
This dissatisfaction, I feel, is at the core of a lot of numbness and disinterest in love inside of our society. Because if we aren`t interested in our own desires or don`t even know how to give ourselves what we want and what the body craves, who will? And if we aren`t interested in giving ourselves what we crave, how can we ever give someone else that we love what they crave?
I never thought that my relationship to Satan would lead down this deep path of reconnecting to my desires. And what is more witchy than that?
To be a witch is truly to desire unapologetically and to make it so… It is coming from this premise that we do not serve the craft but that the craft serves US.
“The Love Witch”. 2016. By Anna Biller
What is the Magician mindset?
The Magician mindset is approaching magic and your spiritual activities from the premise that it`s not what you do or how it looks that makes out the spell or ritual; but it’s the intention and mindset in which you do what you do. Just like anything else in life, it’s all about the state of consciousness you’re in.
“This is about understanding that you`re already the witch. You`re the boss, commanding these energies. And your magic is not “out there” in those ingredients, procedures and recipes. It’s already within you. “
By remembering this, everything, even the things that don’t immediately look `witchy` from an external eye can be a process of deep alchemy.
When we come from this Magician`s mindset, that we are going to approach anything we do in life, as mundane as it is, with consciousness, with awareness, with intention, with desire and will to do something (anything), all aspects of the human life become a practicing ground to exercise our power into.
Even sex…
And why not, sex?
Maybe that it all starts there, in our bedroom and with sexuality…
Sex after all, is a powerful primal expression of our human desires. They say that sex is what sells and is the main driver of our society. Yet a lot of people don`t even know themselves that intimately… They have layers of shame and resistances that they haven`t shed.
“Let me tell you that it takes one hell of a vagina or pair of balls to be able to say what we want, what feels good to us, yet alone trying to explore what it all looks like and means for us, without taboos, without restrictions, without rules.”
So trust me when I say that sex can be a powerful vehicle to improve your self-esteem, your sense of power and the love you have for yourself. Because if you can`t feel like you can be yourself, naked and comfortable in your own bedroom or with an intimate partner behind closed doors, how the hell are you even supposed to get comfortable to be yourself out there in the world?
That`s why, if you have trouble stepping inside of your confidence and authority inside of your life and in the world, consider starting in your bedroom, and how you’ve been experiencing your own intimate life. Are you constantly the initiator? Or the submissive? Or are you an over-giver? Do you have trouble communicating what you need to have pleasure? Do you put this taboo filter over your own pleasure, and has it become this disconnected routine for you? All of those shadow energies, if they go unaddressed, are transported inside of your external life.
“Sex can be a medium in your witchy toolbox, bringing you back into that feeling of being embodied. Love witches know that and they utilize that. “
They understand that sex also goes a lot beyond the act itself, but it extends in the emotions you can conjure up and stir, the portals to levels of comfort and intimacy you can open, and most but above all, the amazing strengths and skills you will discover in yourself while doing so.
And to be a good love witch, is to know the power of that and to play with it. It`s experimenting with this knowledge that everything in order to get you there is a spiritual experience onto its own, unlocking levels of personal gnosis. Each of those experiences, as witches, we can take control of (or place intention over).
Pic by Elizabeth
Good ways to start exploring the basics of love magic and sacred sexuality:
With spell craft, enchantments and rituals oriented around self-love, romance, even self-worship.
In glamour magic and the ways that you set your own Aura and frequency. Whether if it`s in how you express yourself in the ways you outfit yourself, perfume yourself, clock your own vibration and enchant your gestures (the way you speak even).
How you decide to set the ambiance or energy signature of an environment or in a room, with specific smells, feel good textures, candles, visuals, sounds.
Incarnating Archetypes that you love. Whether it`s Gods or Goddesses, characters that you find inspiring or just a part of your personality that you want to honor and put into value more.
Mirror work or Artistic expressions that help you connect to your body, and rewire your mindset around your how your body can help you express yourself.
Giving yourself something you never had, or that you really crave.
Deciding to make love-making into a ritual – for bonding, for healing, for manifestation, whatever you so desire…
Deciding to make masturbation into a ritual for the same reasons. (because you don`t need a partner to be a sex or love witch).
To apply the Magician mindset in relationship to sex magic and self-love is appropriating ALL OF THAT and making it ours with our own authentic expression of witchiness. Whether you’re an enchanter, a sorcerer, a potion maker, a ceremonial leader.
Lillith by John Collier
Applying the Magician mindset in love or sex magic means…
Treating yourself as the God, Goddess, Deity of your own domain. Not that it’s a bad thing to work with deities that make you feel connected to confidence, love, fertility, sex. It’s not bad to call them for assistance and help either. But remember that you don’t have to overly rely or seek bigger, grander, more powerful energies in the cosmos because as a fully sovereign witch, you are a big presence in the cosmic ecosystem too.
“You too are a force to be reckoned with, not to be underestimated. Make yourself the gift of treating yourself as such.”
It also means to get out of your head and to be inside of your body. To ditch the rules, the protocols, the formalities. To not worry about how it all looks like and to instead worry about how connected you feel. Let intuition be the guide and make you adopt play mode instead. Play is the mindset of the magician. The magician doesn’t worry about recipes, steps and rules, because he makes them as he goes. And he knows that the unexpected could come in to redirect the energies in the right direction. If it happens, he needs to be ready, flexible, receptive to this new current of energy flow.
He knows that each spell or ritual is a specific unique time capsule, that is not always meant to be what we want it do be, but that is always what it needs to be in that moment. So find your flow, and once you have it, trust in it.
“You don’t need to have it all written, and it might be best if you don’t. Because sex magic or love magic needs to comes from the heart and your sense of connection – from feeling your way into things.”
*Practicing sex magic with a partner is always more difficult, because not only do you have to remain connected to your body, but you may have to maintain a link with them too. That’s why, if you find it hard to remain connected to your working, and yourself, and the other person, while also being in your confidence all at the same time, it may be better to just start by yourself. *
Being in the Magician mindset is also being willing to work through your shadow thoughts when they arise as you do a working, and to redirect them in ways that are useful and productive. There will be a lot of those, especially in love magic and sex magic because you will be confronted with old conditioning, maybe conflicting feelings that sometimes come from your past, your own traumas, or what your family and the culture around you taught you. Society taught a lot of us to view self-confidence as vanity. It also taught us giving and performing as the ultimate virtue and value in life, and in result, not a lot of us were taught how to properly receive…
“Remember that things like fear, shame, or lack of confidence, in all types of magic are a misuse of the imagination.”
Obstacles can make your practice feel more exciting and sacred, but always ask yourself: is this shadow thought useful to me right now, or is it coming from a wounded place, or a place of disempowerment inside of me? And if so, how can I redirect this energy in the right direction? Listen to the wisdom of the moment.
Finally, the reason why you’re approaching this kind of magic is something you may want to hold close to your heart as a deep oat and guide. Whether it’s for healing and empowering yourself again from a traumatic experience or something that wounded you (like me), or just to fall in love with your own self again, or ameliorating your relationships, or to manifest more love inside of your life. Whatever they are, you have your reasons, and I truly hope that you find what you’re looking for, or more.
Lady Lillith